Hairspray

Seriously, what the Hell is this?

You Americans trying to show the world how tolerant and including you are when it were you, yourself who excluded and discriminated in the first place. And you still do. So don't give me that "we're all the same no matter the skin color" crap, 'cause I don't buy it, no matter how many black presidents get elected. You fill your mouths with feel-good songs about racism and equality sung by black or obese people and then you go and build a wall separating yourselves with the Latin community. And on top of that, you make it seem as if inclusion was easy. You know what? Go to Hell! I don't generalize, it's just that it's things like this Hairspray crap that trully gets me.

Please! Could you have tried any harder to demonstrate that you're fine with differences? I mean, white people are, unless they are grossly fat and/or in Barney-drag, ugly racists of the worst kind, but black people are just the absolute best folk ever with not a mean bone in their bodies. So IF this is not offending for black people, it MUST be for white people, without a doubt.

Anyway, even on top of the racism, this movie isn't even funny. I didn't laugh. Not even once. And I thought it was supossed to be a comedy. I just found it pointless, boring and stupid. Plus, the songs aren't even slightly memorable, if you asked me I wouldn't be able to sing not even one verse of neither of the songs. Neither are the choreographies. Hairspray ain't cute or entertaining: it is cultural pollution and an expression of the most thoroughly loathsome values.

The cast is not even average. It doesn't ensemble, it doesn't deliver, it doesn't perform. It's plain. I mean, Amanda Bynes? Zac Efron? Brittany Snow? James Mardsen? Queen Latifah? Could you have gone for people with LESS personality? And John Travolta is simply pityful trying to be funny in a fat woman's costume. That annoying voice and way of speaking, annoying movements and facial expression. I found him completely painful to watch. That shows how even good actors can't portray in such a crappy movie. No matter how good they are. It's the case of Christopher Walken and Jerry Stiller. Michelle Pfeiffer is the only one who actually delivers a respectable performance, revealing a hiden talent of hers: singing.

Finally, the only thin I can rescue is Nikki Blonsky and her enthusiasm. She's actually likeable and shows on screen charisma. And maybe the wardrobe.

Don't go near this movie. It's painful to watch and a big fat (excuse the choice of words) yawn.